You're completely useless in the revolution.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
