So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
