My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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