A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
