Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
