Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
