Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
