Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
