Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
