..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
