I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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