Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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