thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize