hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
