the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
