Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
