You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
