Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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