Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
