thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
