I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
