this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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