he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
