if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
