Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
