One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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