Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
