don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
