What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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