You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
