just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
