I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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