i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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