Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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