I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
