So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
