I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
