we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
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Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
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The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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