So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
