i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
