My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
