you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
