listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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