My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
