i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
