You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
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Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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