when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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