my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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