Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
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Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize