I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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