stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
