Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
