just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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