ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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