im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
