Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
