So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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