we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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