WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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