i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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