it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
