this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were trust falling into bushes
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
