Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it because I queefed?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
