I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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