So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
