last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
