I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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