I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
