I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
