Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
