hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
