I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
