there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
