and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
